I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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