now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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