i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
