I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
