Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
