Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
