He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
