I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My breasts were aching with rage.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
