A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
