She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
