I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
