dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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