More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
