Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
