More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Alive.
So much puke
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
