If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
