idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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