I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
