Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
