when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
