Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
