Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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