This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
