Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
