just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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