The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
