I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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