thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
