I can tuck mytits in my pants
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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