I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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