That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
