I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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