I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
