do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
