Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
