I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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