never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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