Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
