Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
