I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
