Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Randomize
