What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
