I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
