That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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