something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
