You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
