T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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