she was so not down for the gang bang
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
