The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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