I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
